It’s the dreaded day tomorrow. V-day, aka, Valentines’ day. I always dreaded this day in the past. Being surrounded by all of those happy people, all being lovey dovey – bah, humbug. As a disclaimer, I would only say that if I was single. If I wasn’t – bring on the presents (just kidding, sort of, maybe not.) But, it’s different this year. I’m seeing tomorrow through the eyes of children. Through the eyes of MY children. Mine.
My children – they are so excited for this holiday, like all the other holidays we celebrate through-out the year. Those two miniature me’s of mine are excited to hand out their valentine’s day cards to all their friends at school and their Teachers. Their excitement is infectious. I possibly may or may not be excited by it.
I love looking at everything with a brand new slant, and that’s through their eyes. Through the eyes of my little girls. It’s incredible, it’s changes me into being a believer. It’s all tying in with my campaign to be a better mom. To be the best mom I can be, because that’s all they deserve. That’s what THEY deserve. Actually, what the girls deserve is being around either of my sisters or my mom, but my girls are stuck with me. SIGH.
I’ve realized that, just like a cheesy Stevie Wonder song, I have two little people that need me, and to be honest I need the two of them in return. I don’t remember who I was prior to them, but I have a slight clue.
I was able to do whatever I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. My home was always pristine, even with a dog, and that damn Kat Domino. Then, I learned I was having a baby. Then, I learned I was having more than one baby. Then I learned I was having girls. Then, I learned I was having those girls eight weeks ahead of schedule. That was not according to my plan, said the logical side of me – but said no mother ever. To be honest, I had no clue. I had no clue what I was in for. Heck, I was at work planning on being back at work after four months – max, I swore. Yah, about that – I was an idiot! I now understand everything.
I wasn’t prepared for motherhood. I’m probably still not. I now consider myself to be a “motherhood thief”. I surround myself by utterly incredibly moms, and I watch them – and to be honest, I steal. I take what I like from how they are moms and parents, and I try that with my girls. If it works – fabulous – if it doesn’t, I move on to the next mom I’m going to steal from. To be honest, I’ve learned so much from all of you. I’m grateful.
I have these two little people that need me. To be brutally honest, I need them too. They make me strive to be this incredibly better person. I have to be. I have to be everything and all that the two of them see me as. Wow, pressure.
But more importantly, I have them and they have me. I told one of the “others” this evening – “I love the two of you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life.” The smile she gave me – the way she beamed – wow. Yah, that’s what being a mom, is all about. Her – that miniature other merely said, “I love you too, Mommy.” Yup.
The two of them – they’re what my heart used to dream of.