The Alligator Mom

The events over the last few weeks have necessitated some changes around the home. The break in has made me realize and recognize safety; the safety of myself and my children.  It made me think about the sanctuary of our home.

While I have a rather large dog that goes rabid at the sight of a stranger, however having a large dog doesn’t help you when the one invading has been previously welcomed in.

I’ve done some upgrades.

First off, I had my locks rekeyed. $80.  Best money I ever spent.

Next, I’m having a rolling shutter (imagine a steel screen that roll’s down over your window from the outside) installed over my kitchen window.  It’s a $900 value, but the security it provides is priceless!!

It’s going to take a while before I feel secure in my own home again.  In the duration, I’ve done what I can to ensure the safety of myself and my children.

That’s priceless.

Its day 2; 58 short hours after I was given the green light to be without my cast. What was once a fraction of the size of my “good” ankle is now swollen to double (?) the size.

I freely admit it. I overdid it this weekend.

I shouldn’t have painted my hallway, but it was driving me insane. Plus, I needed to feel like I was normal; that I was back to being a regular person. That I could do “stuff” that didn’t involve my keeping my feet up.

I’m not. I understand that now.

An ankle, that used to be a fraction of its healthy counterpart, is now twice the size. The mobility I once had is gone. I was told, on Friday, that it would take at minimum three months before it stopped feeling “weird” and a year before it was back to wear it was prior to the accident.

SIGH. I’m starting to believe “them”.

I hate “them”. I hate all that they stand for. I hate the fact that “they” were right and I was wrong. Every single time.

I get it.

I get the fact that my ankle is nowhere near what it once was. I get the fact that I’m going to require therapy. What my ankle doesn’t get is that I am running short on that commodity know as “time”.

I don’t have time.  I don’t have time for therapy; I don’t have time for being down; I don’t have time. How does the song go? I’m in a hurry to get things done. Thanks Alabama!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6slibTD9MF0

I have two busy little girls, which require my time and attention. I have a demanding position that demands the same – my time and attention. I’ve come to the realization that I also need to schedule some time in for me.

As a single parent, the predominant question is how? How do you schedule time in for you?

I LOVE MY KIDS!!

I LOVE this. This, to me – is common sense broken down into some basic facts.

http://www.embracethechaos.ca/2013/04/stfu-parents-parents-oversharing-on-facebook.html

I get it. I get the fact that we are all so incredibly proud of our children. I get it. I’m incredibly proud of mine as well. I’m probably guilty of “sharing” far too much at times, but I do attempt, in my pitiful and paltry way, to keep that private to those individuals that will rejoice in our triumphs, and take pity in our heartaches.

I’m really proud of a few things.  I’m proud of my daughter, M1. She has exceeded everyone’s expectations at Providence School. For those, unaware, Providence School is a private organization that is designed to assist children with learning disabilities.

I’m proud of my employer. They donated to my children’s school, without knowing it was ours.

It’s a fabulous organization. They help kids, with learning disabilities. Kids, like my girls.

I’m lucky.

We all have what’s important in our lives. While suffering from a debilitating injury, it has taught me what is truly important.

My girls.

My little ones are currently firmly ensconced in the security of their beds. While they are off in dreamland, all I can think about is the security of our home.

I have secured all I can secure. All points of entry into our home have been modified to ensure our safety. Yet, I am still afraid. I’m afraid for them.

It is utterly demoralizing to have the sanctuary of your home invaded. All I can think of is the safety and security of my little ones.

While my injury is coming to an end, I have been taught many lessons. I have been taught humility. I have been taught to take nothing for granted. I have been taught to rely upon the kindness of strangers, even though we three reside in a city where people are utterly obtuse and self involved / self focused. I’ve learned a veritable multitude of lessons I need to ensure my children take with them.

I have learned that society is essentially selfish. I have witnessed children being bullied to the point of taking their own lives. I have witnessed the bullies being applauded and celebrated.

I see a generation of children thinking they are “entitled”.

They aren’t.

We, as parents, need to kick backsides. We NEED to ensure that our little ones know the difference with right from wrong.

I have two potential bullies. It’s up to me to ensure they aren’t and I can guarantee everyone, they won’t be.

It’s been a trying few days.  It’s been an interesting few days.

My two miniature me’s are finally back under the sanctuary of my roof.  I’m currently enjoying the sounds of their sleep. With all that, it comes at a cost.

The sanctuary of our home was invaded on Thursday. The culprit is known to me; known to my dog. Speaking with a neighbor this afternoon, her first words to both me and the police were, “how on earth did they get past your dog?” Well, that’s because my sweet bloodhound knew the individual. A secure home will only keep out an honest individual.

I know I was lax on the security of our home; however in defense of my idiocy I have a 95 pound dog that would lay down her life to protect the humans that she considers to be hers. I failed to consider two things. The first, that the individual invading our sanctuary would be known to that dog; the second, that in the course of my attempting to make our home secure, that integral part of our home went missing. I have her back, but we’re all feeling the effects of Momma Bear not being 100%. No worries, we’ll be there soon.

It’s incredible what you can do as a parent. You tolerate things that would send lesser beings to a loony bin. I’ve gone through so much, these last few days, I was ready to snap. To be honest, I honestly had a moment where I thought today was Thursday. Three days from now.

I love and adore my little ones. They are all that matters. I have spent all weekend ensuring our home was secure; that they were safe. I’ve succeeded.

The smiles on my little girl’s faces make everything worthwhile. The fact that my hound is still panicked and freaking over how to best protect me – do I do the window, the front door or the back door – OH GOD decisions – lol!!

Life is so good in my world.

I was blessed this evening. I was able to talk with one of miniature angels – the other was far too busy playing, lol. It was utterly adorable!

I was informed this evening by daughter number two that all that was required for supper from this point forward for “daughter number one” was Cheerio’s. When I informed her of changes to the home that translated to the fact that I somehow had “lollipops” instead – kay, mental note – ensure there is a lollipop purchase. But the best was having my angel tell me how she was counting down to. It’s been a very long month, my darling.

I’ve missed them.

I’ve missed my two miniatures more then I could ever describe in mere words. I doubt I could ever describe the feelings in my heart. To listen to one of my daughters “correct” her grandmother was priceless!

“Mommy, there are two more sleeps and two more days and then we’re back at your house.”

“No, BaBa (Ukrainian for Grandma) yesterday was three days. We did today. That’s one plus one more day. That’s only two. My mom was told. You can’t argue with logic like that. But I LOVED the words, “two more days, Mommy, and we’re back at your house.” Yes, yes you are! I can’t wait!!!

I remember the two of them driving away. My heart broke. My babies were driving away from me. I was “informed” this evening that daughter number two was upset that she wasn’t born “first.”

Deal with it, princess.

I get you both back in two days.

I’m thrilled!!

It’s a measure of society on how we treat our weakest members. I’m then forced to ask, what is wrong with society today where a young girl is victimized and she is the one that that is shunned by those around her?

Sexually assaulted by four young men; she was bullied mercilessly by those that thought “she asked for it.”  While the police were able to trace a photo taken during the assault to one of their cell phones, they were unable to determine which young man actually took the photo. A straight-A student, she never returned to high school.

Another young woman is raped. The media had an entirely different slant on it. CNN wrote “the boys were promising students.” NBC reported “the boys were promising football stars”. USA Today, “She was drunk.” What happened to, “A young woman was sexually assaulted.” The media’s reaction and reporting of this was deplorable.

When did Rape Culture begin? When did rape become the fault of the victim? When did we begin judging the victim? Blaming them? Blaming them for actions beyond their control? When are we going to realize the facts?

It doesn’t matter what they were wearing. It doesn’t matter if they were intoxicated. It doesn’t matter what their sexual history is. It doesn’t matter if they fought back. It doesn’t matter if they didn’t fight back. It doesn’t matter if they never said no. It doesn’t matter. They never said yes. Sexual violence against others is wrong and is not to be trivialized. A better question to ask is why do people believe that this type of behavior is acceptable? Why are we not teaching our sons this?

As a mother to two amazing little girls, I have only one thing to say. These young women were brave enough to come forward especially as so very many do not. We, as a society, have failed them in our entirety.

There is yet another young woman who is never going to return to her family. That breaks my heart. She could be one of my daughters. She could be any of our daughters; our sisters; our nieces. I’m going to teach my daughters that they need to respect their bodies. I will also ensure that they know how to protect themselves.

Rape is NEVER the victims fault. We need to educate society about that. To the family that is mourning the loss of a beloved daughter, I mourn with you.

As parents, we all want the best for our children. For myself, I have a strong belief in the morals, ethics and values I want my children to carry forward; belief systems that I have taught them as they prepare to enter their adult lives (even though mine have a ways to go). We all want to encourage our family to succeed; we all want our children to thrive; we all want our children to achieve. Yet are we best prepared to provide them with those specific skill sets?

While I was blessed with two incredible little girls, it was not without its hardships. Born incredibly premature at 32 weeks gestation with a combined birth weight of six pounds, they’ve had a lot of “catching up” to do. I know that when I heard those magical words from their pediatrician at age two “they’ve caught up”, I know that I wept from pure joy yet just like the two of them, my joy was premature. While caught up on a “physical” nature, the other facets were not.

After I “fought” for them, my two angels were eventually assessed at being delayed. I eventually got them admitted into a fabulous pre-kindergarten program that deals with developmental delays. How many parents know that these programs exist? How many others will know that these resources exist? This is why I’m utterly thrilled to be approached by www.Laernn.com and asked to review their upcoming book.

Their site is all about maximizing your child’s potential. We share the same values, and we both believe that educational systems today are broken. Children are our future. How can we, as parents, ensure our most precious resource ensure their maximum potential? By changing how we parent them.

This is a great site – www.laernn.com – check it out!! I can’t wait to get the book!!